Woman Claims Roommate Has Psychic Power, Uses It To Bogart The Bathroom

A woman residing in New York City recently came to police claiming her roommate had genuine psychic ability, and was reading her thoughts without her permission. Since the ability for a human to “read” another person’s mind has never been proven, and there is no precedent for non-consensual thought invasion as a crime, police were unable to help the woman. She claims she first noticed her roommate’s power when she came home and found him sitting in the living room watching Seinfeld and eating her Ramen noodles, the exact thing she had planned to do upon entering the apartment. The problem escalated when the roommate, according to the woman’s claims, stole her idea for a film about a dogcatcher whose real passion in life is cheese mongering, and dreams of buying a dairy farm. The woman was ready to dismiss the previous “coincidences” until it became a regular occurrence that the roommate would occupy the bathroom for excessive periods of time, specifically when the woman was about to go in there. When asked for comment, she said, “I didn’t think he was like this. What kind of person would use their special power for evil instead of good? He should be using his ability to stock up on toilet paper, not freeze me out of the shower.”