Since I’ve been looking for a new apartment, I’ve become absolutely addicted to Craig’s List. And not in a good way. Not in an ironic, cruising-through-personals-just-to-laugh-at-how-pathetic-they-are-whilst-I-myself-am-equally-pathetic-and-cruising-personals-as-entertainment kind of way. I am chronically checking to see if there are new apartments available in the no-fee section and sending dozens of emails trying to set up appointments to see them. It’s giving me horrible flashbacks to my job search, except this search will end with me losing lots of money instead of earning it. But the good news is, I’ve just discovered that Craig’s List offers RSS feeds for your specific search terms and field requests, and thank God, because I can’t keep refreshing this shit. Now I can easily check my Mail to see what’s happening in the world of shady real estate, and eventually ignore it like everything else that comes into my inbox. Thank you, technology. Internet, please forgive me?
But let’s just say I was cruising Craig’s List personals for entertainment. Here’s some stuff I’d hope to find in the “Strictly Platonic” section…
Fellow feminist sought for partner Halloween costume. Let’s get started early: human-size papier-mache fallopian tubes don’t build themselves! (East Village)
Burly bear needed for Boy Scout training sessions entitled, “When No Means No” and “How to Escape a Bear in the Wild” (Chelsea)
Let’s share a giant glass of milk! (Williamsburg)
White, English-speaking, female friend desperately needed (Harlem)
Double amputee seeks companion. Can you lend me a hand… or two? LOL! (Battery Park)
Friend and caretaker wanted for elderly woman. You help me use the toilet and medicate my bedsores and I’ll regale you with stories about Lyndon B. Johnson. (Astoria)
Narcissist seeks self-loathing yes man as gym spotter and ego masseuse (Financial District)
Members wanted for adults-only Strip Cranium Team (Coney Island)
