Things to Do This Friday Since the Sex and The City Premiere is Sold Out

OMG! So you totally wanted to go see your favorite whoresome foursome, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and that brunette who is just dying for a baby, vamp around Manhattan and have careless sex with fabulous hats on, but the premiere is sold out! What’s a girl to do! Well, here are some suggestions of activities that might make you feel better about not having someone else’s sex life to talk about with your gal pals on Saturday morning:

- Vamp around Manhattan and have careless sex with a fabulous hat on

- Buy hundreds of pairs of shoes

- Disrespect the valet, or any other lowly service employee

- Paint your Pomeranian’s toenails the same color as your vagina

- Start therapy

- Come up with cute nicknames for your private parts in the vein of The Papaya, Snugglepuss, Mrs. Jones, or The Great White Nightmare

- Have sex with the valet, or any other lowly service employee

- Get your fix of bitchy women by watching re-run marathons of “The Real Housewives of New York City” on Bravo or hanging out at Urban Outfitters

- Sort out your drawer of thongs and fishnets

- Begin research to explain why ugly girls are so mean to you

And if all else fails, you can watch hundreds of hours of Sex and the City on DVD. Don’t get too down girls, you can always go see the movie on Saturday night. Unless of course it’s out of fashion by then.

Picture from someecards.com.

Movie Meteorology: Summer Movies

Summer is upon us, and that means the masses will be clamoring for a seat in the only reliably air-conditioned place in the city to park their fat sweaty asses: the movie theater. I would say that it seems like every summer, we are bombarded with a slew of unforgivably bad films that were written, shot, and distributed in the span of about six weeks, but I’ve noticed that this year in general has produced hardly any films that I would bother paying the $12.00 ticket price to see. Examples? Over Her Dead Body, 27 Dresses, Dan in Real Life, and so on. I could only name a few because everything else was so horribly forgettable. Perhaps with the legit excuse of the writer’s strike to blame. Don’t get me wrong, there were some good ones too, namely just the Oscar noms and art-house indie stuff (and by “good ones,” I mean “white noise you can fall asleep to”.) And now I am going to tackle the task of movie meteorologist for the summer, and predict the future of what will be good and bad based only on the trailers.*