So sorry for the lack of posts. My brain has been a feeble, dried-out raisin instead of a juicy, firm mind grape. Here’s what I’ve been up to in the meantime:
- Been sized up by long unseen relatives at party celebrating my graduation from college, or more appropriately, my father’s release from the financial shackles of NYU. Insert grandparents-boob-touching scene from Sixteen Candles. Haha just kidding. My grandparents are dead.
- Watched Rosemary’s Baby, and was so inspired by Mia Farrow’s portrayal of a pregnant 10-year old besieged by geriatric devil-worshippers that I decided to get matching haircut. Have not met similar fate (yet).
- Attempted to attend Vampire Weekend concert at Central Park Summer Stage, but was promptly rained upon and utterly soaked in thunderstorm. Suspect it’s part of Bloomberg’s plan to de-gentrify Brooklyn and lower rent by eliminating hipsters in lightning strike “accident”.
- Knitted a tampon cozy.
- Played with puppies at pet store, all of which bit me mercilessly. Contracted rabies, sued pet store. Settlement pending.
- Read an article saying that global warming (caused by humans) isn’t real. Agreed. Drove around IKEA parking lot for hours.
- Bagged over 15 lbs. of leftover meatballs.
- Began reading Dubliners by James Joyce. Envisioned future boredom.
- Considered purging closet of all unwanted clothing, was too busy to take further action. Spent two hours writing article on “How To Pick a Blue Crab.”
- Received June electric bill. Crapped pants.
