
Alternate Headlines:
China Sez, “Stay The Hell Out!”
Olympic-Bound Foreigners Realize 2008 Games Are in China, Get Screwed When They Can’t Re-Book Flights to Fort Lauderdale
Americans Warned Against Spreading Democracy, Genital Herpes
Excerpt from the real article:

Do? Leave Jackie Chan DVDs at home
Don’t? Wear anything purchased at Wal-Mart
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Alternate Headlines:
First Political Brain Switch, Resurrection of Nixon in Kennedy’s Body, A Success
Republicans’ Mission Impossible: III-style Assassination of Kennedy Foiled by Modern Science
After The Fact, Kennedy Loves Tumor Humor
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Alternate Headlines:
Mr. Bill to Star in MasterCard Commercial, NY Times Writer Fired for Confusing Advertising with News
Visa Infiltrates Ad Agency and Changes MasterCard Font to Comic Sans in an Effort to Repulse Customers
MasterCard Advertising CEO Wakes From 35-Year Coma, Casts Mr. Bill
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Finally some good news for me! This is a sign.